Two Little Words: "Gay Agenda"

I have been struck lately by two words that seem bandied about fairly often, but for
which I fail to find a definition that agrees with its context. The phrase of which I speak is the “gay agenda”.

Now, the reason we’re going over this in part, is that we’re going to gear up for the midterm Senate elections over the next year, and I want to talk about what this phrase means now, so you’ll know when you hear it used later. Just let it wash over you, it’ll be okay.


The “gay agenda” is notoriously difficult to pin down. The American Heritage Dictionary returned “Search Results for “gay agenda”: No documents match the query.” Definition is likewise not found at Merriam Webster’s site

As a last resort, I tried www.urbandictionary.com and got an answer, sort of.

“A conspiracy theorists lame idea that all gays are out to get straights and convert them. Unfortunately all the gay agenda really is, is a program to promote understanding of homosexuality. Or as to put it by 1 gay man like myself TO BE LEFT ALONE. Christians obsess on the gay agenda constantly.”

Example (given in definition) :
“Homophobe #1 “Did you hear about the gay agenda’s plans to take over Washington?” “Homophobe #2 “OMG if that happens we'll all have to fuck men.”

I greatly enjoyed the sarcasm, but since the author of this definition is already preaching to the choir, I tried another tack. I entered “The ‘Gay Agenda’, list” into Google. It returned “Results 1 - 10 of about 105,000 for The "Gay Agenda", list. (0.29 seconds)” I waded through the first page of results. Did I find a more explicit definition than UrbanDic?

Nope. So, I applied some random skull sweat. What would the gay agenda be? Well, we want to vote. We can do that. Excellent.

We want to be able to gather in public places. Hmm, well, in adult groups we’re pretty safe, alone not so much (RIP Gwen Araujo). Many gay youth have prevailed in lawsuits against schools that tried to restrict them forming clubs that are tolerant of gays, gay parents, and hopefully the musical as an art form. (We can always hope.)

Those schools who banned all school clubs so they could specifically ban a gay school club, have found themselves providing the rest of the nation a textbook demonstration of nose-cutting for face-spiting purposes. Heckuva job y’all, please do keep it up. Many of our children are learning valuable lessons in hypocrisy and Pyrrhic victory from your sterling example. Thank you.

Apparently, a bunch of us want to get married. Because I am known as the world’s worst predictor of modern trends, I probably said a decade ago, “Never in my lifetime.” I am overjoyed to announce my complete and total wrongitude, phallaciousness, and general mistakeliciousness on this issue. As of publication, Massachusetts, Connecticut, and Washington will perform same-sex weddings under state aegis. Nearly half of the remaining U.S. states explicitly outlaw same, however, these are probably all unconstitutional. When the Supreme Court will take the case, and whether individual rights will matter much to that body at that time remains to be seen.

Other Supreme Court cases either pending or soon to be…Canadian-wed gay civil rights. U.S. citizens suing to get their foreign same-sex spouses citizenship, gay Arabs applying for refugee status in the U.S. (from U.S. supported regime(s), Mormons hitching their wagons to the “redefining marriage” star under the “three or more consenting adults” claim. Oh, the cans of worms explode with delight. I find it a tad odd that religious righties like Pat Robertson and his ilk that claim gay marriage is a slippery slope to marrying puppies, are having their prophecies fulfilled by even more right-wing fundie Mormons, yet they blame it all on the Gay Agenda.

Let us join hands and collectively say, “Huh?”

Statistics show we want to adopt kids, our partners’ or just kids in general. Arkansas, Mississippi, Utah and Florida ban adoption by gays. Florida also continues to have the absolutely worst record of foster care and adoption oversight in the nation. I guess if the choices are “would you like orphan children a: drowned or b: adopted by gays, the State of Florida urges you to support drowned toddlers. I really, truly wish I were exaggerating:

Lena Cumberbatch, 36, of 5957 Wentworth Circle S in Jacksonville, Florida was bathing Latiana when she pushed the baby's head under water while at least two other children watched her murder the baby. The baby died from drowing and blunt head trauma. Cumberbatch had a total of 8 children in her home, four were foster children and four her own ranging in ages from 2 months to 10 years old.

Keith Cumberbatch, her husband, was not at home during the incident but was later questioned by police but not charged. Lena was lead from the home in tears just after the toddlers death and taken in for questioning. All seven remaining children were taken from the four bedroom home and placed in the states care.

However, Virginia, Tennessee and Arkansas all rejected gay adoption bans. Two steps forward, one step back.

Strangely enough looking at the issues: adoption, marriage, citizenship, and free assembly, these all look like civil rights, don’t they? If the issue walks and quacks like a duck, why bother calling it a red herring like the “Gay Agenda”?

Civil rights aren’t “special” rights if you don’t consider yourself particularly special. They’re for everyone.

We have the same agenda that everyone in America has, the very definition of the dream, to spend our lives in liberty to pursue such happiness as we can. If that’s the Gay Agenda, not only is it doing just fine, I’ll happily pursue it to the extent I’m legally allowed.