Football Fans Shouldn't Marry

I'll admit I didn't write this. But I found it horribly amusing and wish I had. Read on.

You know, I'm not a racist, but I shouldn't have to
live next door to those football fans. Why is it that
if I don't think they're normal, I'm considered some
kind of hatemonger?

Sure, you tell me it's their business what they do on
Sunday afternoons in the privacy of their own homes.
But what about my property values, when they neglect
their yard work and house upkeep? Why should I, who
pay taxes and vote, be subjected to their gaudy
banners and flags, spreading their propaganda in full
view of God and everyone? "Bengals Parking Only"? Not
in MY America!

If they would just do what they do in private and keep
to their place, it would be one thing, I suppose. But
they're all over our TVs these days! I can't go to the
mall without seeing them in their "pride" clothing.
There are entire stores devoted to them now! Why are
they trying to force their lifestyle down my throat!?

I wish someone would sponsor a Constitutional
amendment that forbade these football fans to marry.
What kind of life would it be for children growing up
in the homes of these sickos? What values will they be
taught, that is, when the "parents" can drag
themselves away from their gridiron perversions long
enough to warp their little brains? Do we really want
this country to be overrun by a generation raised by
football fans, indoctrinated into their alternative
lifestyle, schooled in their arcane statistics and
rules from birth?

Let's face it. Jesus walked on water, not Astroturf.
It's Adam and Eve, not Madden and Eve! I'm not
advocating we round these people up and deport them or
anything - like I said, I'm no bigot! I just don't
think there's room in America for them to be so
flamboyant and in-your-face with their agenda. Their
moral fabric is just inferior - it's all games with
them. That's not the work ethic this country was
founded on!

In closing, this is the land of the free, and all men
are created equal. But this is also one nation under
GOD, not one nation under the Jumbotron. We owe it to
our children to keep marriage between two people who
aren't football fans. Our families, our future, and
thousands of years of tradition are at stake. If we
allow these football fans to make a mockery of our
most sacred institution, what's next? People being
married by Elvis impersonators in Las Vegas because
they like rock and roll? Marriages staged by producers
for reality-based TV shows designed to grab high
ratings? Where does it end?

I hope you'll join me in praying for these football
fans, that their souls may be salvaged and their
Sundays returned to their God-given purpose. And I
hope even more than you'll unite with me -- and the
rest of mainstream America -- in denying them the
freedom and the rights that we all hold so dear.

Yours in Christ,
K**** B******
Fellow American